Is Working Together Ever a Good Idea?

couple shadowWhen the news came out about Dooce blogger Heather Armstrong separating from her husband Jon, I really felt sad for them and their family. Heather wrote about it on Dooce in such a way it will bring tears to your eyes. Jon's post on Blurbomat cannot be read without feeling the sadness either. He says how Heather has asked him to find work outside of Armstrong Media, the empire they built together.

Two people who have children and loved, lived, and worked together are now ending their relationship. It's a dangerous thing to work with your partner, but it could also be a fantastic thing. Could Armstrong Media have reached the success they did if Heather and Jon weren't a team? Hard to say, of course, but the drive and passion they had for it must have been unparalleled, beyond intimate, something you can't find from an employee or employer.

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But the risks of working together might be too great to ignore.

I've worked with a boyfriend once -- for a larger company. We would take lunches and be able to commute together -- I loved that. Though we weren't directly involved with each other at work since we were in different departments. We also didn't seek out working together. That's where we met. And also ended up breaking up. I avoided the floor he worked on as much as possible in those early days, but eventually we were able to be friends. I even attended his engagement party ... to another former work colleague. Strange, wonderful world we live in. But we weren't married. We did live together, but there weren't kids involved (just a cat). Breaking up meant a moving van was needed. He ended up getting a better job (which I helped him get by connecting him with my former colleague and friend who he ended up marrying). I love that I had a tiny, tiny part in that love connection. So that breakup ended fine. Our work situations weren't affected much, and we were able to move on.

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I feel like I just overshared. But that's what we do -- what bloggers do. And why Heather and Jon both blogged about their separation, leaving us feeling sad, hoping the best for them to get through this. And it also has us reflecting on our own lives. Our own thoughts on if it's worth the risk of working with our significant other. I think Jon leaving Armstrong Media is a big deal, not just for the marriage but for the business. I've heard that in our lives, we often have at least one thing a bit amiss -- either our love life, our family life, or our work life. Having all three of these things in disarray is a great challenge. I wish them the best as they work this out, whatever the outcome.

But I also think that "all in" mentality is incredibly romantic. Working, living, loving, raising a family together -- who cares about the what ifs if the right now is going really well? We can't live in fear of the what ifs. Until they happen. If they happen. And if the unthinkable happens, then we find a way to work it out. Because we have to.

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I guess it all depends.

Would you work with your husband? Have you and have any stories to share?

Written by Michele Zipp on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

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Image via thurlbut/Flickr

User Post: Straight Talk: When Google Reveals Too Much About You

Image via IStockPhoto.comQuestion: I know that just about everybody Googles their dates before going out with them the first time. Unfortunately, when you Google me, the first search result is a photo where I'm showing, how shall I put it, way too much skin. My ex took the photo (we thought it was hot) and later posted it (he was hot under the collar). My question is this: Do I try to explain the photo to a new date before we even go out? Wait for him to bring it up? Pretend I don't know it's there?

Answer: Let me start by reminding you of First Date Rule Number 1: "Don't invite your skeletons along too soon - they make for a crowded evening." Whether it's your involvement with AA, a prison record, or a long history of psychotherapy, keep hot topics in the closet until you've established some intimacy or connection. It's all about gradual disclosure. That's not bad manners, it's just good sense.

But in your case, you may (and should) break that coda because of First Date Rule Number 2: "When meeting someone for the first time, assume that you will be Googled - and pretend that you haven't Googled them." Your photo is no ordinary skeleton, if only because it's just a click or two away. Sometime early on in the date, cop to the reality without being defensive: "There's something that I'd like to explain to you. You may have seen a nude photo of me on the Internet, which was posted by an ex of mine. I've certainly learned a lot since then." If you want to try some humor, add this: "It's really amazing what Photoshop can do for a guy." After that it's really up to him to decide whether to let it go, or let you go.

I decided to check in with Mr. Manners' resident shrink, Dr. Larry Tonberg Edwards, a clinical psychologist with a LGBT practice in Oakland, California, to get his always-surprising point of view. He did not disappoint:

"We all bring a history to the table and revealing the foibles of one's past is an authentic way of sharing imperfection. It's also a means of quickly discovering important information about your potential partner's character. Their response to your candor will reveal qualities of empathy, forgiveness, irony, and humor (or not!), which are indispensable in the forging of a romantic relationship."

Then, it's time to go on the offensive since you can take action to push that revealing photo further down on the search page. This is not only wise when it comes to romantic prospects, but also it's just as important when it comes to job or apartment hunting. (You really don't want someone from HR finding that picture when running a quick search on your name, now do you?) The trick is to create alternate pages that Google will deem even more relevant to your name than your risqué photo. As those pages rise to the top, they'll push the photo down - perhaps even into the ignominy of the second page of results.

A good place to start is by setting up profiles on major services like YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Those pages tend to do very well in search results and could take the top slot pretty quickly. If you can buy the domain for your name and create a little site for yourself, that's even better. The site will also rank higher than a mere photo in search results and will also push down any offending blog posts, tweets, or videos. Just look what happened to Rick Santorum: Thanks to Dan Savage's heroic efforts, searching for "Santorum" still points to the decidedly un-Republican site called spreadingsantorum.com, which carries the word's "frothy" definition.

And you thought your photo was a bad link.

If you want to speed things along, there are also a number of online companies, such as Reputation.com, that will (for a fee) help suppress "negative content" because as that site notes: "People aren't just searching for you, they're judging you." I wouldn't be surprised if they're working with Mr. Santorum right now.

This column originally was published on Advocate.com.

Steven Petrow is the author of Steven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners and can be found online at www.gaymanners.com. Got a question? Email him at ask@gaymanners.com or contact him on Facebook and Twitter.

The Real Reason Women Want to Cuddle After Sex is Bad News for Lazy Men

unmade bedTo cuddle after sex -- or to sleep, perchance to dream? That is the question researchers at the University of Michigan and Albright College in Pennsylvania asked. And they found out that when one partner falls asleep first, the lover who stays awake is left craving more bonding and affection.

Lead researcher Dan Kruger says, "The more one's partner was likely to fall asleep after sex, the stronger the desire for bonding." And it's not always the guys sawing logs right after sex and the women who want to cuddle -- the research shows men are just as likely to crave post-woo-hoo cuddling as women. But is it cuddling we want -- or satisfaction?

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Right after reading about this study, I couldn't help thinking about comedian Louis CK's latest concert video where he talks about cuddling after sex. He says it's something women do when their lovers are lousy. They're left lying next to the man, thinking: Is that it?!? THERE HAS TO BE MORE!!! Hence the cuddling. As Louis puts it, "If you did it right, she'll leave you alone."

Maybe it's just because I've been married since the Triassic period, but I tend to agree with Louis. "Doing it right" is a form of intimacy. It takes a lot of communication and connection. You know, bonding-type stuff. And then you both get to rest. I'm all for the post-coital roll over and snooze routine. Why? I'll leave that to your imagination. Plus I'm married to a talker so I hear all about his feelings all day long.

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But regardless, the study is food for thought. What do people really want when their partners fall asleep right after sex? Why is emotional bonding such an important part of sex for so many people, male and female? And in the movie When Harry Met Sally, is Sally right to be angry when Harry asks, "How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home?" The world may never know.

Are you a cuddler, or do you fall asleep right after sex?

Image via scarycurlgirl_photos/Flickr

Written by Adriana Velez on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

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Woman Gets Famous by Throwing Herself at Men. Literally.

1. Tue, Jan 24, 2012 3:50 PM EST

"I Throw Myself on Men." That's not an admission, it's the brainchild of Lilly McElroy, an artist who spent the last two years hurling her body at strangers of the opposite sex. Now the photographic evidence is on display in galleries around the country and around the web. So maybe it's not such a bad thing after all (ahem, mom).

What's so Bad About Open Marriage?

What's so bad about open marriage?

Newt Gingrich's ex-wife is making headlines today saying he asked her for an open marriage before their divorce.

While that seems like a slimy request from a cheater trying to wiggle out of having betrayed his wife, Newt's not alone in wanting non-monogamy. Anywhere from 1% to 10% of couples are living intentionally non-monogamous lives.

My husband and I are among them, and we're pretty happy with our arrangement.

Tonight after we tuck the kids in, my husband will kiss me goodnight and head over to his girlfriend's house. It's not a secret or a problem; that's just how our marriage works. We both have other partners.

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I don't know what we'd do without them. Our friends and family are wonderful, but it's my girlfriend I call when I need a ride to the hospital with a sick kid. There's something about the intimacy of a romantic relationship that makes me feel better about asking her if I can bring my vomiting child in her car.

I don't know how monogamous couples do it.

Of course everyone has their own unique support systems, and you don't have to sleep with someone to build strong bonds of love and trust. I know most people prefer monogamy as the best way to get that bond of trust with their partner.

Some people do prefer non-monogamy, though, and for them it's a perfectly fine option. Going out on a date with my girlfriend doesn't cause any more drama around here than going out to my book club. Being honest and relaxed about desires outside my marriage makes my partnership with my husband closer and more authentic.

Related: Does marriage have an expiration date?

My marriage started out open, and has always been honest. I can't imagine being in Newt's lying cheating shoes, trying to piece together an open marriage in the wreckage of an affair. I know about half of married people cheat at some point in their lives, so plenty of people must go through that scenario.

What do you think? Are you shocked that Newt might have asked his ex-wife for an open marriage? Would you consider it yourself?

- By Sierra Black

For 9 ways to spice up your relationship, visit Babble!

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Is Sharing a Bed Ruining Your Relationship?

Photo: Thinkstock

By Corrie Pikul

When it comes to quality shut-eye, research has shown that women are the sleepless sex. They tend to have a harder time falling asleep than men and are more easily startled or jostled awake. Despite this, more women than men claim they're loath to give up spending the night at their partner's side. Here are the most common co-sleeping issues women have, and how to solve them.

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"It drives me crazy how he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow."

"Men can fall asleep faster, almost anywhere, and have fewer complaints about the quality of their sleep," says John Dittami, an Austria-based sleep researcher and co-author of the recent book Sleeping Better Together. One possible explanation has to do with sex hormones, which affect how long we sleep overall and the amount of time we spend in each stage. Women's levels of estrogen and progesterone tend to fluctuate, especially during menstruation, pregnancy and menopause. Dittami says it's important for each member of a couple to focus on his or her own go-to-sleep routines. If yours involves reading in bed, look for a gooseneck light with a focused, just-strong-enough beam, because even a small amount of diffuse light can disrupt your partner, according to Dittami. Leave the iPad and laptop, with their sleep-inhibiting blue glow, in the other room. Because sleeping men tend to be less sensitive to movement, Dittami says you don't need to worry about waking him when you climb into bed.

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"His snuggling-while sweet-makes it hard for me to fall asleep."

While researching their book, Dittami and his co-authors found that for couples, spending time together in bed (talking, touching, snuggling) is an extremely important aspect of a relationship. But most of us try to combine this together time with sleeping time, and that's where things get tricky. "Sleeping is an individual thing. It's not a duet," Dittami says. He advises separating the two phases of the night and setting aside time for pillow talk or cuddling (or both at once) before you move to opposite sides of the mattress. "We have this Hollywood idea where the couple goes to bed at the exact same time, with the woman falling asleep snuggled under the arm of the male," Dittami says. Not only does this rarely happen in real life, but, he points out, few women would be comfortable with their neck cramping in their partner's armpit.

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"He gets so warm that I feel like I'm sharing the bed with a space heater."

You aren't imagining things: Men have a higher core body temperature, which is due in part to their thyroid function and testosterone levels, says Dittami. As your own body temperature falls just before bedtime, you might enjoy cozying up next to a warm partner. But this can get uncomfortable later in the night, especially if he starts sweating. He may feel damp, and he'll be more likely to emit pheromones that can keep you up (this is not to say he stinks; we're just sensitive to certain odors when we sleep). Dittami says he's heard of female patients starting off in warm pajamas and then shedding layers as the night continues and their temperature changes. Another idea is to put a cool pillow barrier between the two of you to block some of his body heat.

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"Him: one thin cotton sheet. Me: a multilayered down cocoon."

"Using one blanket for two people just isn't conductive to sleep," Dittami says. Not only will it make you hyperaware of your partner's tugs and kicks, but it will amplify the heat. Dittami says that in Europe it's common for couples to use separate covers in bed. In fact, this is what he's found to work for him and his wife. Each has their own layered tiramisu of blankets. "It works like a peace treaty," he says.

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"His tossing and turning feels like a mini-earthquake."

Men and women move about the same amount in bed, but women are more sensitive to their partner's movements. Even if he doesn't flop into bed "like a sumo wrestler" (as one woman described her husband's nightly ritual), his sudden movements may wake you. "Sleep gates," as researchers call them, tend to come up every 90 minutes or so, and that's when we're more susceptible to being yanked awake. If your partner happens to do something noisy, startling or disruptive during this time, and especially if it lasts longer than a minute or two, you may find yourself staring at the ceiling (or at him) in frustration. As mentioned, separate blankets can help, but if his jostling is a big problem, you may want to consider a new mattress-or two of them. Sleep researchers suggest that couples invest in approximately 71 inches of mattress (which allows sleepers to stay about an arm's length away from each other, says Dittami); American king sizes are 76 inches. Memory-foam mattresses are best for minimizing bounce, according to Sleeping Better Together, and a split-king mattress (two long twin mattresses set side by side in the same foundation) will mean you'll barely notice each other-but can also make it challenging when you want to get close.

KEEP READING: How to Keep Sleep from Ruining Your Relationship

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10 Signs He's Definitely in Love with You

If only we could peek into the minds of our significant others and see what they really think of us. Oh wait, maybe not. Either way, it would be nice if our dates came with Magic 8 Balls or Ouija boards to help decipher their behavior, wouldn't it?

Sometimes, we simply have to guess at what our significant other is thinking, which can be particularly difficult at the start of a relationship when you're just getting to know each other.

So let's decode what he means and figure out if he's in love with you! Here are 10 signs that he's in love with you. Yes you!

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1. He smiles at you. Not just when he's trying to get some.

2. He talks to you for a long, LONG time. Guys aren't usually big talkers ... until they find someone they care about.

3. He cuddles you up. When a guy doesn't love a girl, he won't cuddle her up. When he does, you know there's something there.

4. He genuinely cares about you. He wants to know all about you, your likes and dislikes, your favorite dinner, what makes you laugh.

5. He goes out of his way for you. That extra mile is nothing if it makes you happy.

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6. Those quirks you find annoying, well, he thinks they're awesome. So what if you hate that you go crazy without having enough hand-soap, or have a Diet Coke habit worthy of an intervention? He thinks you're great just as you are.

7. The chemistry is incredible. You're both on the same page, you think alike, and when you're together, the heat is incredible.

8. He loves spending time with you. It doesn't matter what you're doing, so long as you're together.

9. He'll compromise for you. Sure, you both want things your own way, but suddenly, he's willing to cave on things that once mattered.

10. He starts making plans for the future. With you.

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How do you know that your significant other loves you?

Image via KSDigital/Flickr

Written by Aunt Becky on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

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Neil Patrick Harris is on 'Out' and in Love

This couple is absolutely awww-inducing.
-Diana Denza, BettyConfidential.com

neil patrick harris david burtka

Get ready for an entire magazine worth of love! Out mag's "Love Issue" will is on the stands. Inside the glossy, you'll find profiles of 26 gay couples and their families.

Best of all, the cover features Neil Patrick Harris and his "better half", David Burtka. The How I Met Your Mother star looks super adorable (as usual!), so we can't help but feel a little jealous of his beau. Of course, even if he didn't have David (aka perfectly sculpted E! News correspondent) on his arm, he wouldn't be lookin' at the ladies anyway.

And judging from Burtka's statements to Out, these two are the perfect duo.

"Without him, I can't breathe," he said in his interview. "The biggest thing is that he makes me laugh, but he's also smart. He can do everything. I'm not kidding; I think he's half robot. He makes me a little more grounded, and I bring out the wild side in him. Don't get me wrong-we fight. Our fights last five minutes, then we're over it. And we're both Gemini-we have a good twin and a bad twin, and the four of us get along really well."

Can't you just feel the love?

Diana Denza is a regular contributor to BettyConfidential.

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User Post: Lonely Shine

In the darkest realms of lonely,
nothingness appears.
when all alone is at its best,
with friends that disappear.

emptiness the only sound,
hollow echoes fly.
sickness started forms an empty heart,
no one hears the cries.

It starts and spreads like wild fire,
yet cold without the flames,
no real heat or flames to fan,
but burns inside the same.

its cold conceals the love one feels,
killing joys and glee.
calling out in angry shouts,
why did my friends leave.

How to Introduce Your Man to Toys

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Ladies Who 'Can't Orgasm' Need a New Excuse

The clitoris is a pretty interesting organ. In fact, it's the only organ in the human body (both male and female) that exists solely to give pleasure. Despite some theories that the female orgasm leads to more conception (and certainly to more sex), the clitoris itself doesn't have a biological function that is immediately obvious. This is why it has so rarely been studied (and perhaps why so many men can't find it). Lucky for us, some scientists decided we ladies deserved more and it's a good thing they did.

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It turns out, all those dudes who can't find the "little man in the boat" were right. Because the part of the clitoris that is on the outside is only one tiny part of the entire wonderful organ. The majority of the clitoris is inside the pelvis. It's far more internal than external.

Our little "bulb" is actually much bigger than we could have imagined, and it finally answers some questions about orgasms. Yes, clitoral and vaginal orgasms are the same thing. MIND BLOWING.

The thing we call a "vaginal orgasm" is just stimulation of the internal clitoris. In fact, the glans (the part of the clitoris we see) is connected to the body or shaft of the internal clitoris. When erect, that shaft wraps around the vagina tightly, making the canal tighter (so more pleasurable to the man) and also giving women the goods.

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But it doesn't stop there. These two legs extend and point toward the thighs, stretching back toward the spine when erect. It almost looks like a largish wishbone in the female body. Pretty cool, eh?

This research isn't exactly new (it came out last year), but the ways in which it affects us all kind of are. Now, instead of vaginal orgasms, we know we can stimulate the clitoris from different angles. Now, there is simply no excuse for not being able to orgasm. Our bodies are made for the task, in fact.

The reality is that, while I am no scientist, I do know that all women aren't built exactly the same. Still, if the outside area of the clitoris works, then the inside ought to work, too. So the whole idea that some women simply can't orgasm internally has to be a fallacy.

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By manually stimulating the outside, the inside becomes erect, wraps tightly around the vagina, and voila! You have an orgasm. This means more foreplay, more experimentation, and maybe getting to know our bodies in a whole new way. But it does give hope, right? That elusive vaginal orgasm seems much more in reach if we (or someone we love) touches us just right.

Now we can have fun with science! This is the best news of last year!

Do you think some women can't vaginally orgasm anymore?

Image via chrischappelear/Flickr

Written by Sasha Brown-Worsham on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

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5 Marriage Secrets for Valentine's Day

By Author Dr. Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., for GalTime.com

Use the holiday of love to help improve your marriage!

Valentine's Day is the holiday for romance and romantic gestures. Why not take advantage of this day dedicated to love to improve your marriage? With a few simple switch-ups, you can put some practices in place that will improve your marriage -- for Valentine's Day and beyond!

1. Pick Three Things to Warm His Heart

Celebrate Valentine's Day by practicing kindness and generosity, even if your partner is behaving badly. Do the little things that make him or her feel loved, valued, and chosen. Remember that you can communicate interest, generosity and love in nonverbal ways, as well as with words and language. A simple gesture-a hand on a back, a nod, a smile-can make your partner feel seen and cared for.

No matter how distant your marriage has become, and no matter how dense you claim to be about relationships, come up with three specific actions you can take to make your partner feel loved and respected on Valentine's Day. No expert in the universe knows what warms your partner's heart the way you do. It's deciding in advance what your three things are --and doing them--that's the hard part.

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2. Give Him a Break--Tell him What You Want

Your partner may be about to blow off Valentine's Day --and it's important to you to celebrate. Don't wait until he forgets, as if you're giving him a test that you're waiting for him to fail. Give the poor guy a break and remind him a week in advance. Tell him what you want, even though you think he should know. ("I want you to make a reservation at our favorite Italian restaurant, and I want a Valentine's Day card. And don't forget-I hate flowers!") Don't count on him to have learned from his mistakes from last year.

Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up

3. Call off the Chase

If you're married to a distancer, Valentine's Day is a good time to call off the chase. Don't use this special day to "process" your relationship and talk about how the two of you never talk. Instead, just talk.

Don't pursue him. Valentine's Day is not the time to bring up your partner's lack of warmth, interest, and attentiveness, or to compare him unfavorably with your best friend's romantic husband. If, say, you go to a movie and you're upset that he doesn't hold your hand or seem to acknowledge your presence, let it go. When you leave the theater, just talk about the movie. Surprise him with praise, just when he imagines you're going to hit him with criticism.

4. Overcome Your L.D.D. (Listening Deficit Disorder)

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Listening without defensiveness is the ultimate spiritual act and the most precious Valentine's gift that we can give our partner. Decide in advance that on this special day you will enter every conversation with the goal of asking questions and listening only to understand. This means that you don't interrupt, argue, defend yourself, correct his exaggerations or distortions, or bring up grievances of your own. Save your defense for a future conversation on another day.

Forget about being right. Try to catch yourself when your focus on being right blocks you from working toward a common purpose-having a great Valentine's Day together!

5. Get More Bite Marks on Your Tongue

You know what irritates your partner so don't do it on February 14th. Dial down the criticism. Get out of debate mode, worry-mode, or advice-giving mode. Put nagging aside and don't bring up the to-do list. Do I really need to tell you that a Valentines dinner isn't the time to figure out a more equitable sharing of household chores?

Related: Can We Have too Much Communication and Honesty?

If you've paired up with a distancer, he or she may be allergic to the sheer number of sentences or the intensity in your voice. So, if you do have a legitimate complaint, slow down your speech, lower the volume and say it shorter. You may need to fake it for the evening or engage in a bit of creative pretending. The goal is not to put a patina of false brightness on real problems, but rather to experiment with bold new behaviors. Valentine's Day is the perfect time to try on a "new you"!

A Postscript: Follow these five rules on February 14th. Then try to live them as a daily practice. Making this effort will lay the foundation for dealing with conflict as it arises, and exceeding his threshold of deafness when you need to take a strong position and draw the line.

I promise you this: If you follow these rules much of the time, (even with a large margin of error), you'll give your marriage the best chance of succeeding. Your relationship thanks you in advance.

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Tender Photos Unearthed from a Turbulent Time

1. Thu, Jan 19, 2012 7:09 PM EST

   Photo by: Grey Villet

   Mildred and Richard LovingMildred and Richard Loving on their front porch, King and Queen County, Virginia. April 1965

When Mildred and Richard Loving married in Washington, D.C. in 1958, they didn't think they were breaking the law. Both were from the small town of Central Point, Virginia. Mildred was of African-American and Native American decent and Richard was white. They did know it was illegal for them to marry in their state-as well as 15 others--which is why they left to tie the knot. Within a month of returning home, police burst into their bedroom in the middle of the night and arrested them under the state's anti-miscegenation law. They were sentenced to a one-year in prison term that could be suspended if they left Virginia.

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Banished to Washington, D.C., Mildred Loving, who did not consider herself a political person, wrote about her plight to Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy. The American Civil Liberties Union took up the case and brought it all the way to the United States Supreme Court. In 1967, in a landmark Civil Rights ruling, the court struck down America's laws against interracial marriage.

On the 40 th anniversary of the ruling, Loving issued a statement that read, "I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight, seek in life."

In 1965, Life Magazine sent photographer Grey Villet to photograph the Lovings and their three children. Writing for the New York Times, Villet's widow Barbara recalled that he approached the assignment with the aim of creating a tender family portrait, not an overtly political statement. "He chose as he did in every essay…to seek out the literal heart of the matter: a love story." However, the images were utterly groundbreaking exactly because of the intimate and emotionally transparent way they portrayed a taboo subject.

Filmmaker Nancy Buirski rediscovered Villet's photographs while making a documentary for HBO called The Loving Story. Twenty of the images are on display at the International Center of Photography in New York City from January 20 through May 6, 2012. The Loving Story will debut on February 14.

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Is Facebook the Reason You're Single?

Dimitri Vervitsiotis/Getty Images

A first impression was once a matter of rehearsed one-liners and the right pair of shoes. Now, it's down to a good profile picture and your last public tweet.

No one could have predicted the impact that Facebook would have on dating back in 2007, when I first used the site to scope out potential college roommates alongside my high school girlfriends. "She's cute, but do you really want to live with someone who's got Buffy The Vampire Slayer listed four times on her profile?" Today, our first generation Macbooks have morphed into iPhone 4s, and we're doing more Facebook recon on potential boyfriends than roommates. "He's cute, but do you really want to date a guy who has Lost listed four times on his profile?" In a world where our social, financial, and political lives are lived online, how long did we think romance could evade the thirsty black hole of social media?

"Manage your digital image because it supersedes your self," advises Steve Ward, professional matchmaker and host of VH1's Tough Love. Ward, who is currently working on his own online dating network, is notorious for his outlandish and often uncensored approach to relationship coaching. But what the dating guru lacks in verbal finesse, he makes up for in experience and insight. "Women can absolutely attract or repel a guy through social media. The digital world is a bridge to the physical world."

So what's a girl to do when she's been taught that Facebook is just a way to stalk ex-boyfriends and save paper on party invitations? The first step is realizing the extensive influence social media is exerting on our most personal relationships. "Bottom line: these networks are not innocent. One in five divorces are caused by Facebook," Ward cautions. "What women don't realize is that when it comes to the internet, less is more."

According to Ward, who after a single conversation I can only describe as an alpha male, the most common mistake women make on Facebook is the most important to avoid. "If you have a bad profile picture you're done," he says matter-of-factly. Men are visual creatures. It's something even the poorest written self-help book can tell us, and yet scores of women sabotage the chance of attracting men by plastering unflattering photos of themselves all over the internet.

There's one pose in particular to avoid: duck face. "Duck face is the single worst thing you can do. It's when you look into the camera and stick out your lips. It is deplorable," Ward cautions. "It is the single most disgusting thing a woman can do. Who are you blowing that kiss to? Any random person who looks at your profile?"

So what should your profile look like? When everyone from your 10-year-old cousin to a potential employer has a Facebook account, striking the right balance between seduction and sophistication in your profile picture is imperative. "You want an attractive, half or full length, photo of yourself that anyone- a boss, a boyfriend- can look at," Ward preaches.

How to take a Red Carpet Worthy Photo

Ward's final word on photo editing will come as a chauvinistic shock to most women, especially those of us who think having a cute group of friends is a point of pride. "If there is a more attractive girl than you in a picture, delete it." I'm sorry, what? "Delete it. All a guy is going to be thinking is, 'She's the most unattractive girl in this photo.'" And just in case, like me, you needed to re-read that statement and still think I made a typo, the notorious loud-mouth continued, "No guy wants to walk into a party and go, 'Hey, this is my girlfriend. She's the most unattractive person here. And that's what he'll be thinking about." Delete photos with my tall blonde sorority sister: Check.

READ THE REST HERE: Page 2 >

7 Things Your Marriage Counselor Wants You to Know

wedding cake topper

by Woman's Day Staff

If you're in marriage counseling, chances are you and your husband are doing most of the talking. But thanks to years of experience, your therapist has plenty of advice that she'd like to share with you, too. Read on to get expert insight on making the most of your sessions. Photo by: Thinkstock

1. I can tell pretty quickly if your marriage is going to last.

"Within a few sessions I can generally make an educated guess about the future of your relationship," says Bree Maresca-Kramer, relationship counselor and author of It's That Simple! "A clear sign that it won't: One or both of you has emotionally checked out and is unwilling to take any responsibility for your problems."

Break out of a relationship rut with these romantic ideas.

2. If you want a pity party, go elsewhere.

"Women are always surprised that I don't seem outraged or upset by what they're telling me," says Joyce Morley, EdD, a marriage and family therapist in Decatur, Georgia. "While I understand your feelings, I'm not going to sit here and cry with you. It's not my job to be emotional. It's my job to help make your marriage better."

3. Learn to listen.

"Women can be so focused on trying to win that they forget to listen-that's one of the biggest problems couples bring to therapy," says Dr. Morley. "Women typically can't stop talking until they feel they've proved their point. But men see counseling as an opportunity to finally speak. And when they do, wives are often shocked to hear what they have to say."

Learn 9 things you should never say to your husband.

4. Give yourself a break.

"Men don't beat themselves up nearly as much as women do when they've done something wrong in a relationship," says Dr. Morley. "So if you've messed up, accept responsibility and then quit kicking yourself over it."

5. Go ahead, argue.

"It allows me to see the real dynamic between the two of you," says Maresca-Kramer. "I can then use that fight to help you gain a better understanding of each other's feelings."

Discover how to keep stress out of your marriage.

6. Let go of the past.

"In an argument, stick to the topic at hand," says Michelle, a relationship counselor in St. Louis. "When you bring up stuff your husband did months, even years ago, I just want to say, 'Let it go already!' You have to get over your past anger because forgiveness means moving on."

7. I'm not here to give you the answers.

"A therapist will never tell you what to do," says Maresca-Kramer. "It's counterproductive. You'll just become dependent on us instead of learning to make decisions for yourself."

Master these 9 tricky marriage transitions.

Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.

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Chivalry and the Costa Concordia Tragedy: Did it Sink with the Ship?

Door Opening

By now we've all heard about Captain Francesco Schettino who who abandoned his sinking ship in the Costa Concordia tragedy. (In stark contrast, the ship's purser Manrico Giampedroni stayed aboard to ensure all crew and passengers were evacuated.) When the ship was going down, Schettino jumped off the boat and would not go back on even under intense orders to do so. He apparently wasn't the only one who panicked because there are reports that men were pushing women and children out of the way to get to the safety boats.

Accounts from a few Australian passengers range from bad to worse: One woman says "I was standing by the lifeboats and men, big men, were banging into me and knocking the girls," while another recounts, "There were big men, crew members, pushing their way past us to get into the lifeboats."

Naturally panic mode can easily set in during life and death situations and it does not discriminate according to gender. Of course, it goes without saying that the crewmembers should have stayed behind to help with proper evacuation, and children and elderly should have gone first. I would also say that the moms should have gone with their children in order to keep them safe and calm. But what about the cases of young, single females vs. males? Should the men have gone last in the era of equal rights between the sexes?

Related: is "act like a lady" sound advice - or totally sexist?

This case is extreme but it stir up the age old question yet again: is chivalry dead (as Rich Lowry does in his piece in the NY Post)? Perhaps more than that, the question should be, do us women, us moms around the globe in 2012 expect it…and should we?

We all know those women who balk at men for holding doors to the point that some men are reluctant to do anything chivalrous and get called out for being sexist. However, there is a clear difference between being courteous and sexist. I find the adage that holding a door or walking a woman home is sexist, well, ridiculous. I think those small courteous (or chivalrous if must call them) acts of generosity are endearing and yes, I'm all for equal rights and opportunity between the sexes but is it really so bad when a man shows a thoughtful gesture toward a woman? I don't think it is. Having equal rights does not obliterate manners or consideration. And I'm sure I just might get called out for being everything from right wing conservative to 1950s woman, neither of which I am.

It's nothing less than infuriating to get trampled on a subway by a 6'2 business executive scrambling to get a seat (although I tend to think it's more the individual man rather than the gender as a whole), yet I have also been offered a seat by a gentleman many times as well. I don't think men should necessarily have to offer a seat to woman, unless that woman is holding a small child, pregnant, or elderly, but I do appreciate the gesture. Of course, I've encountered women who do the same self-centered subway push but more often than not, it's the women who will give up a seat when they see someone in need.

Related: Is it sexist to ask a working mom how she "does it all"?

Growing up in school, it was always the boys who carried the heavy books and climbed up ladders for the teachers. The girls were often allowed to go ahead of the boys' lines, with a teacher saying "Ladies first." Boys were taught in many small ways to be chivalrous but today it doesn't happen as often. I have taught my son from a very early age to never disrespect a girl, let alone hit her. He knows that he can defend himself against a boy but never touch a girl.

I hope he does grow up to be a teen that curbs his language around girls, a man who holds the door for girlfriend and eventually his wife, and someone who gives up his seat to those less fortunate. While I don't expect chivalry, I gotta admit I do like it when I see it in action.

For 25 vintage ads that scream SEXISM, visit Babble

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Do You Hate Who They Date? 3 Ways to Deal with a Friend's Less-Than-Stellar Significant Other

What Happens When You Can't Stand Their Significant Other?

By Lindsay Ross for BounceBack.com

Have you liked every single one of your best friends' or family members' significant others? The answer is presumably "No". Have you always kept it to yourself or have you been vocal about it? Possibly not so quick of an answer. It is a very delicate subject and a difficult situation when dealing with someone who you love.

How is one supposed to handle a friend or family member who is dating someone that no one really likes? Is honesty really the best policy?

To preface this discussion, we want to state that if a loved one or family member is being abused emotionally or physically, this warrants immediate attention and assistance towards that individual to leave this unhealthy relationship.

But what if you just don't like the person? Or if they just aren't "worthy" or good enough for your friend or family member? That's when it gets a bit tricky. If you find yourself in this fragile situation, there are three roads you can choose to take - but beware of the potential risks and consequences:

Option 1: Vocalize It

Tell your loved one that you don't like the individual they are dating, tell them why immediately, and don't give the "dater" any positive attention at all. This will send a clear message to your friend/family member but may not warrant the results expected. Most likely your loved one is going to feel bad and uncomfortable that you don't like their significant other and will in return keep you in the dark about their relationship. Not to mention, if your friend breaks up with the individual, they should do it on their own terms, not yours. This may cause regret and resentment in the long run.

Option 2: Act Like Everything Is Okay

Try to build a positive relationship with your loved one's significant other. Be open and listen about the relationship without giving negative or personal feedback and let the relationship unfold without your assistance or opinion. This can be positive in the sense that it gives you time to assess the significant other and possibly form a new opinion about them. It also leaves your loved one to make his or her own decisions about the person. The downfall to not saying anything could be that your friend or family member is so deep into the relationship that they cannot see the negatives about who they're dating and stay in an unhealthy relationship. This may also lead you to have pent-up feelings that are unhealthy to keep bottled up. And most likely, if you were correct in your assessment, if your friend of family member breaks up with the guy or girl, you'll get the inevitable, "Why didn't you tell me that about him?!" or "Why didn't you tell me you felt that way about her?!"

Option 3: Give It Time, Make An Effort

This third scenario is quite possibly the middle road that is the safest. First off, give the person time. In many cases, significant others are shy or nervous around close friends and family members (at least initially) and don't act the same around them as they do with their partners. Give someone a lengthy amount of time before you form a solid opinion about them. If you still don't like the person, reach out to them in a positive way. Try to make a relationship work on your end, for the simple reason that they are dating someone who is extremely important in your life. You don't have to be best friends with this individual, but remain friendly. Remember, this is not your love life, it's your loved one's.

If you try any or all of the above options, and you still aren't feeling good about this relationship, have a non-confrontational talk with your friend or family member. Let them know it's because you care about them. Give specific reasons why you feel the way you do while still respecting that this is your close friend's girlfriend or boyfriend - in the long run it could save your friendship. It also gives them the right to make the decision on how they would like to move forward with their relationship knowing how you feel but not feeling pressured.

In this case, honesty may in fact be the best policy. But only in small, well-thought out doses, don't you agree??

If your friend or family member was dating someone you didn't approve of, would you speak up?

BounceBack.com helps people find happiness after heartbreak. Like us on Facebook

Lindsay currently resides in Brooklyn, transplanted from Wisconsin. She has a passion for writing and can often be found blogging about random pop culture and everyday life on aaaandthatswhatshesaid.blogspot.com . You can also follow Lindsay on twitter @SweetTweetTV.

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Don’t Let January Be the Reason You Break Up

depressing january

Feeling a little down this month? You're not alone. According to a recent study, January is the most depressing month of the year. It's easy to see why -- the frigid temps, the lack of sunlight, and the lack of funds after the holidays leave a lot of us feeling cooped up inside with cabin fever, depression, and a case of the blahs. The fact of the matter is that all this moodiness can significantly affect your relationship. A study of 1,000 couples in Britain revealed that in January, couples fight more than eight minutes a day and have 20 arguments during the month, compared to about 15 fights in the other months.

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If you're thinking, Wow, that's a crap ton of fighting, I'm right there with you. Even though we may not be able to relate to the amount of disagreements these angry Brits are experiencing, we can certainly take a few things away from this morbid data.

Like for instance, it's important to get out of the goddamn house. Even though it's freezing and dark and you're feeling a pinch in your wallet after all of that holiday spending, it's imperative to get out and do something, if not for yourself, but for the sake of your marriage. Staying at home makes you cranky, which makes you fight, which makes you even more unhappy, which makes you wanna stay home ... it's a vicious cycle.

More from The Stir: Lady Gaga Reminds Us Why Breakups Can Rock

Think about it -- you don't have to necessarily do anything together. You can just do you. A happy you is a happy home, is it not? I had an extreme case of cabin fever last week and just out of boredom, I started finding flaws with my apartment, and started fights about what should be done to make it better. I quickly realized what I was doing and removed myself from my personal hell and took a little trip to my favorite place that cheers me right up: The tanning salon.

It's horrible for you and I only do it once or twice a winter, but man alive it can turn that frown upside down. All that warmth, the smell of coconut lotion and burning flesh ... ahhh. It's a game changer. I do it for my well being and for the sake of my relationship. It's how I beat January.

More from The Stir: How Kristin Cavallari Got Revenge on Her Ex (And You Can, Too!)

Don't let this month be the cause of trouble in your relationship. Take it for what it's worth -- it's a godless time to be sure -- but make sure to snap yourself out of the funk before you decide it's time to break up. Come sunny springtime, you might regret it.

Do you feel like the winter months put a strain on your relationship?

Photo via dem_Christoph/Flickr

Written by Lindsay Mannering on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

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VIDEO: Does Being Divorced Mean Men Will Not Date You?

It's not easy to get yourself back in the dating scene after a divorce. Not only do you have to get in the single mindset again, but now you're also competing with women who've never been married before. Are they more attractive in a man's eyes than someone who's gone through a divorce?

In this video, Image Consultant, Matchmaker and YourTango Expert Kimberly Seltzer helps a woman who's self-conscious about her divorce. She's worried that she's not as dateable as a single gal who's never been hitched before. While Kimberly points out that there's no universal answer to her concern, she does offer some tips for this reader to feel more confident and secure about what she has to bring to the table.

In fact, Kimberly lists several reasons her male clients have told her why they actually prefer dating divorced women. Find out all of them and more by watching the video above.

Written by Kimberly Seltzer for YourTango.

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Want to Date a Nerd? the Top 10 Nerdiest Cities

Thank to Match.com, we have been inspired to book a road trip!

Match.com has compiled a list of the Top 10 places you'll find the nerdiest singles to date.

Being a nerd has become a hot trend. With the popularity of Twitter, Facebook and The Social Network bringing home three Academy Awards, if widening your search for love now includes dating a nerd, I have good news for you.

Match.com released a report with the top ten nerdiest cities to find a date. This list was based on their highest educated single members on their online dating site.

So expand your geographic requirements, post a new zip code in your search, and cast a wide net to include some of these cities. You'll meet some interesting and smart singles guaranteed to provide you with an intellectually stimulating conversation. California leads the list with three cities in the Top 10.

1. Sunnyvale, CA - One of the top cities in Silicon Valley, Sunnyvale is home to Yahoo!, Palm, and Juniper Networks. You'll also find some smart singles working at Lockheed-Martin, Northrop Grumman and Honeywell.
2. Cambridge, MA - Home to Harvard and MIT, you'll find some relationship-ready singles at graduation time.
3. Somerville, MA - Close enough to Boston's numerous colleges, and home to Tufts University, the town was known for the creation of Marshmallow Fluff.
4. Berkeley, CA - Home to the University of California Berkeley and not far from Silicon Valley, you'll find some smarties in this liberal town.
5. Santa Clara, CA - In the heart of Silicon Valley, you'll find some single nerds working at Intel and Sun Microsystems along with some smaller high-tech companies.
6. Ann Arbor, MI - Home to the University of Michigan and hosting a satellite office for Google, Ann Arbor is filled with home-grown startups.
7. Boulder, CO - You'll find the University of Colorado as well as numerous film festivals in this Rocky Mountain town.
8. Columbia, MD - CNN's Money Magazine listed Columbia in the top ten places to live. Close to the National Security Agency and the Fort Meade Army base and commuting distance to Washington, DC, this town is worth taking notice.
9. Fairfax, VA - Home to George Mason University and over 6000 technology companies in Fairfax County, you're in a good locale as online dating is a numbers game.
10. Rockville, MD - Over 150 technology companies are located in Rockville, making it one of the most popular cities to date a nerd.

Would you move to another city to meet a smart guy?

Written by Julie Spira for YourTango.

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Mark Wahlberg’s Dumb 9/11 Comments: What Does it Take to Lose Your Crush on a Celebrity?

There's Mark in 'The Fighter' doing that thing my friend likes. But it's not the same anymore.

Whenever I think of Mark Wahlberg, I think of my best friend who surprised me once by admitting she's hot for him. I'd never pegged her for a Wahlberg type, or even a type to have a celebrity crush, but she made a good case for her attraction: he's got a great build that's not too boyish, he can do comedy as well as drama which suggests he's smart, he's fairly stable compared to most actors and he's got this sexy way of looking at an actress's lips when she talks.

Clearly, her crush was the real deal. And I supported it.

Then Mark goes ahead and makes a deeply uninformed, slightly insane statement about the 9/11 attacks while promoting his latest movie and ruins everything. If you haven't seen it already here's the quote: "'If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn't have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first class cabin and then me saying "OK, we're going to land somewhere safely, don't worry".'
Obviously something is wrong with the way his brain works, particularly with regards to his own capabilities. He's also lacking a profound level of sensitivity. Never mind his ignorance about actual terrorist situations that don't take place three feet from a catering table.

For my friend, it was all over. As much as she tried, he was rendered uncrushable.
"It's kind of like when guys you like in real life say something so dumb you want to ignore it, but you just cant," she explained to me. "After that, it's just done."

We'd like to think the best of our celebrity crushes, even if we know better. They're our models of what we find attractive and we assign certain characteristics to them that may not be there just to help guide us towards the guys we want in real life. In return, we help keep their fame afloat. No harm, no foul.

But when one of them lets their real personality out and it ain't pretty, it can really put a damper on your fantasy life. I used to think my own crush, Wahlberg's "The Fighter" co-star Christian Bale, was infallible. I hankered for him since the "Empire of the Sun". But hearing that audio recording where belittles crew members on the set of "Terminator 3" was the kiss of death for our made-up relationship.

I imagine women with secret Ashton Kutcher crushes-you can't say he's not pretty-have had their mental erections doused after his whole weird hot tub cheating scandal and the head-hanging aftermath.
Ditto Jude Law, least sexiest man alive, after Nanny-gate. No need to even touch on Mel Gibson.

Terrence Howard is another one, but his offenses can sometimes slip behind a curtain in my brain, causing an argument between the two hemispheres. Wow, he's hot. And talented. Yes but remember how he makes women clean themselves with baby wipes? Oh yeah. That's offensive. But wait, was that a real thing? Yeah. Damn.

Has anyone else had this experience? Have you ever had to dump a celebrity crush after a glimpse at their unfiltered side?

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Would you rather: Bale or Walhberg?

Military business marriages may obtain "relaunch" pornographic big.

I like a good idea and a great idea, great things for the marriage of men and women in our country abroad? Yes, please! Scott Rinaldo, Manager of real touch society, a place that makes even more intimate virtual sex with "hotlink" (the computer-controlled dildos), hoping for 1 000 parts in Afghanistan and send military women at home. It is pure genius.

More than excitation: One of the most détestée sexual activity is good for women

Rinaldo believes that these dildos which connect the life in a tube plastic in a computer, lubricant, pulse and grip, can heat, help those who are separated by many miles. At the other end, the man controlling the movements of the dildo on the computer. The truth is, it can only to facilitate spouse feel close to each other to keep and further reduce the rate of divorce between military wives. It proposes the same for women abroad, only with other devices.

If the company is it for advertising or as a result of altruism, it is a very good idea, which can save many marriages. As I have a spouse in the army, I don't know how practical it is (there are privacy?), but the general concept is incredible.

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I have a spouse who travel occasionally and we use certainly fully video chat and photo SMS, and therefore, but he disappeared only for weeks. The idea is for months or even years of exasperating. -It's the piece a military reunion videos not how should missed it, each of the other institutions and touch?

Of course, this can solve all problems. After all, it is always "virtual". But it removed some. It would be any amount of intimacy, and none is given the alternative, I am sure that most leap at the opportunity to try.

This is not to say that it is the only way that would be joint, but it's the missing piece of the puzzle. You can write letters and text for the exchange of information about a day. You can video chat and joke with each other faces, but you can remember not touch each other and have the kind of intimacy so essential to the survival of a relationship.

Sex is important. It is not the end all be all, naturally. Many military and long distance marriages without him survive, but this seems to be a perfect compromise. When my husband and I never even separated for a long time found, I would be all about it. It appears that the easy thing, need of many military families, helping to bridge the gap.

Do you use something like this ever?

Image via Espensorvik/Flickr

Written by Sasha Brown Worsham to CafeMom of blog, agitation.

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Divorced of NYC, brought an action on the wedding photos speaks

Drawing of Todd, left, with the wife of then Milena Grzibovska, 2003. (photographers AP/H & H)

It may come as a nuptial nostalgia extreme case: a divorced now say a Photo Studio, pay to recreate to do what it considers incorrect images and video to his marriage.

But after a "Groomzilla" is the brand, Todd draw said Tuesday of his now infamous complaint about a company keep a promise not to keep a marriage broken.

"It was a promise and a handshake failure to" retouch agreement to draw pictures of the available press partner said in a statement. "How could manage a business a customers in this way?".

It was his first public reaction to a spate of acid commentary on the case in recent months.

While complaining about photos of marriage are not rare, is that share its reference to the ceremony and celebration of last Union want to restore all draw cases. He said the official investigation this summer, 2008 started the proceedings of two divorce in. The Division was final in 2010, and he said that he believed that his ex-wife again native Latvia had moved in their.

However "I have marriage recreated exactly as it was so that the 15 per cent of the marriage, which was filmed not can be turned" and finished the album and the video "so we have memories of marriage," he said a copy during his testimony July accordingly. "If we are to rebuild complete."

After his remarks on the reconstruction of the marriage in November, a history of the New York published Times was tabloid prints seek an advanced sector of the legal blogosphere in the city. The daily news gave a "New York Knucklehead Award"; HAD Anderson Cooper contain print on his "RidicuList".

Draw through a spokesman that interviewed.

Draw photographers to the fate continued s venerable in 2009 h & h said had done it a job botched registration of his Studio in New York and Milena Grzibovska December 2003 marriage in a centuries-old hotel, with view on the Hudson River. The photographer does not ignore the request of torque on a mirror, reflect the light of the photographer, and links of photographer and video artist 45 minutes before the end of the reception, is missing the last dance and litter, said the draw of Strauss, 44, as the analyst has worked.

Grzibovska, who, in their early 30, New York in June 2002 by the University of Iceland, how to teach English to speakers of the language, according to September in a newspaper of Columbia University to study a piece come.

The couple had paid an advance of $3,500 to the total price of $4,100 on the part of photos, a marriage said it costs $48 000 in all, including travel of the guests.

However the draw and his wife "were newly married and in love" and seeks does not after a fight with photographer, said of his statement.

H & H co-owner Daniel Fried , said it was up to the quality of the two hours of videos and hundreds of color and black and white photos that were shot on film.

As to draw the claim that important missed photographer parts for the celebration by permission early fried said that ample coverage of the case, including the blessings, which was late in the case had advanced. Hundreds of images are portraits, torque and married, ceremony and images from the cutting of couple dance of the cake, guests and other aspects of the festivities.

"I think that photography is beautiful," fried said by telephone from the Studio at Irvington, New York, but he said that he offered in 2004 for the photos, customize and update the drawing of album of marriage saying the two had first to select the images they wanted.

"Of course, I could not turn back," said fried.

According to him, never to return to h & h establishes he wrote in 2009 for a refund and interest-$ 5.750 demand and filled with photos and video. Draw says h & h its calls to return, which the Studio refused. He took offence as the Studio responded to his letter with an amount of $1,200 Bill for the balance of the fees and interest rates, threatening in a call to the Agency if it was not paid. The letter soon became a legal action.

In the meantime, the marriage had advised the ground paralyzed.

"Impair the life." There was a divorce, and that amicable, it was not easy, "said circulation statement, added that that remained a couple and their families in contact".

No contact information could not be found for Grzibovska.

The idea of wedding photos disputes which überdauerten marriage with raised eyebrows of Manhattan State is achieved, Supreme Court Justice Doris Ling-Cohan, the lyrics by Barbara Streisand "The Way We Were" called judge struck a judgment last year that caused some legal claims, but leave to other moving forward.

"It is a case in which it appears the misty watercolor memories and the ' scattered pictures of the smiling... left behind ' marriage were more important than the real thing," she wrote.

And h & h put co-founder Harold Gillet more squarely in the Court in a letter of August 2010: "Divorce makes additional requests for photos, etc., ridiculous."

The two parties have suggested that they could access the case will continue for the time being a settlement, but.

___

When http://twitter.com/jennpeltz, follow Jennifer Peltz

___

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Make Your 2012 Personal Mantra - a Simple Start to Positive Change

Have you made your 2012 Personal Mantra?

By Lindsay Ross for BounceBack.com

By definition a mantra seems quite simple. It's stated as "a word or sound repeated to aid concentration in meditation". But there is much more to the simple word or sound that can assist in guiding your life towards a more peaceful and positive path.

2012 has arrived with a vengeance and it feels like those resolutions that sounded like such a good idea in mid December aren't so appealing anymore. The numerous weight loss resolutions or organization pledges can be a bit daunting, especially if the change that has to be made is drastic. Possibly the best way to tackle these goals is by starting small and growing into the change. There is no better way to start to instill change into your life than by making a personal mantra.

A personal mantra should be a small phrase or word that is simple to remember that evokes positive feelings and self worth. The key is to stay positive. An example could be "I will eat healthy" or "I am confident". This simple phrase should be used throughout the day not only in meditation settings but in situations where stress or negative feelings arise. It should be grounding and be able to center someone who may be having a difficult time trying to tackle personal challenges. This small step can help to aid in positive changes that need to take place.

A personal mantra can not only be used in achieving goals but can also be used to transform someone's mindset to be more positive and uplifting. There are times in peoples lives where negative feelings for others can take over entire aspects of that persons life without the person even knowing. To avoid letting negative feelings take over try a mantra like "I am positive", "I am thankful for my life" or "I am kind". By focusing on these inspirational feelings it will only allow for positive feelings to nurture and grow.

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5 Sexy Secrets from a Burlesque Star

By Malia Karlinsky, GalTime.com

Secrets from a Burlesque star.

If your sex life seems more lifeless than lively -- you might want to look to the stage for inspiration. The burlesque stage that is.

Burlesque is a old-school erotic art form. Originally popular in the 1860's through the 1940's, these stripteases combined glamour and humor in a sizzling show format.

Now it's back in a big way. From perfomer Dita Von Teese's sold out shows to Cher and Christina Aguilera's bawdy film "Burlesque," the once forgotten sensuous stage shows have become "the ticket" for men and women alike looking for an original experience. There is something special about Burlesque.

Related: 12 Ways to Feel Sexy in 2012

5 tips on becoming sexy.

"I think that it is refreshing to see art and entertainment that is not mass produced or over produced and so can speak to individual viewers," states Seattle-based Burlesque Artist Lily Verlaine. "When we (burlesque artists) manipulate an audience, it is simply with the intention of delighting or shocking them, not to sell something."

Verlaine's path to burlesque started with a very different form of self-expression: classical ballet. "After my career as a ballet dancer came to an end, I attended a burlesque show, started a conversation with one of the performers at the bar afterward, announced that I was a dancer and the following month, I was opening for Dita Von Teese! In hindsight, it was a truly magical and fortuitous series of events."

Now Verlaine is a star in her own right-- headlining shows herself. She thinks every woman can incorporate some of the tenets of burlesque into their own lives. Drawn from what she's learned as a burlesque artist, Verlaine shared some sexy tips with GalTime.

Related: Gettin' Sexy Without Going ALL the Way

5 Tips for Being Sexy

1. Make eye contact and take your time.

2. Recall that sexiness is a quality unique to each individual. Compare yourself to yourself, not to others. Imitation is transparent, your authentic depth is sexy.

3. Pay attention to your body language. What begins as a fidget could turn into a performance with the right direction. Get to know your body through exercise. Try to observe yourself from the outside and be purposeful in your body language.

4. Cultivate your interests. Aspiring to and achieving your goals is sexy.

5. Nourish yourself and think beautiful thoughts. Spend time with your grooming rituals and on cultivating a mindful diet. An immaculate presentation and inspiring attitude don't go unnoticed.

For more information, visit Lily Verlaine's official website LilyVerlaine.com. Photo of Lily Verlaine Courtesy of Christopher Nelson.

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Bushy Eyebrows and Other Grooming Deal-Breakers

Condé Nast Digital Studio

By Catherine O'Neill, Allure magazine

When I'm in a relationship, I'm surprisingly relaxed about my partner's grooming habits. One summer, I dated a guy whose long blonde hair looked strikingly similar to mine (he was a musician, ok?). One dude couldn't walk through a metal detector without removing at least two facials piercings. And in college, I fell for a guy who let his chest hair grow-which, it turned out, was to disguise a third nipple.

Related: The Top 21 Drugstore Beauty Bargains

But despite their, um, unique qualities, there's one thing that all those guys had in common: great hands. It's my only rule and I've never broken it. I wouldn't even hold Ryan Gosling's hand if his fingernails were dry, cracked, or worse-bitten. It's an interesting law, considering I've been a chronic nail biter since I was a kid. I just can't imagine a guy pushing my hair back or touching my shoulder with dirty, stubby hands. And when a guy does have strong, well-manicured fingers (preferably attached to toned, tan arms), I'm about ready to slip a wedding band on one.

See more: 3 Rules For Great Skin

I'm not the only girl with a dating deal-breaker. Editorial Assistant Lexi Novak can't stand a guy with bushy eyebrows-"seriously, invest in some tweezers." Editorial Assistant Victoria Land is picky about the way her guy smells. "BO is just totally unacceptable, even after the gym," she says. And Editorial Assistant Lindsay Colameo won't bring a guy home unless he cares for his teeth: "I'm the daughter of an oral surgeon and a dental hygienist, what can I say?"

Do you have any dating deal-breakers? Did you ditch the guy or get him to change his ways?

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The Best Ways to Start Fresh After a Breakup

Woman going through closet

Breaking up is hard to do no matter how you look at it, but despite the pain, resist the urge to crawl into bed and stay there. Indulge yourself for a few days (hello, couch and ice cream) but then it's time to slowly start getting back on track (and back to reality).

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Bust breakup blues

To help you put your ex behind you, we've come up with five of the best ways to start fresh post-breakup.

Purge your closet and cupboards

Out with the old, in with the new! After a breakup is the best time to get rid of everything you don't need or no longer use. Think of this as an emotional, as well as literal, cleansing of your space. Get rid of all traces of the relationship so you can start fresh with a clean slate.

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Repaint or redecorate

Along with tackling your closet and cupboards, another great way to start fresh is by giving your bedroom (or the whole house) a new coat of paint. You don't have to make a drastic color change, but choose a shade that will brighten things up. If you don't have time to paint, think about freshening up your space with new accessories (pillows, rugs, etc.) or simply rearranging the existing furniture to create a brand new look.

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Get out of town

To really shake up your routine, we suggest setting aside a weekend or a whole week (or maybe more, depending on your schedule and budget) and taking off. Whether you go solo or with some friends, time away from your normal routine is sure to inspire you to move on from a breakup. Take a road trip or find a cheap flight somewhere you've never been.

5 Tips to Help You Find Love After a Breakup

Change your look

Get a haircut, have your makeup done and schedule an appointment with a style consultant who can give you some fresh wardrobe ideas. Or even go shopping with a style-savvy friend who can give you some style tips for expanding your fashion repertoire. Spicing up your look can boost confidence and give you a newfound sense of independence following a breakup.

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Plan a spa day

Spending a day at the spa, though potentially pricey, can be a great way to get away from it all and put you on the right path to a fresh start. Get a cleansing facial, detoxifying body treatment or a massage and leave feeling refreshed and invigorated. If a full day isn't in your price range, opt for a half day instead.

User Post: How to Keep Weight Gain from Ruining Your Sex Life

Photo: Topnews.net

By Samantha Mucha

It's easy to indulge in the mountain of cookies, candies and other calorie-packed goodies we stuff in our mouths over the Holidays without considering the consequences. However, if you pack more padding on your belly, it could have less-than-exciting ramifications for your sex life.

Not to mention the fact that a few extra pounds can have an impact on your psyche, and this can also correlate to your performance in bed. If you're looking for ways to improve your sex life whether it's losing a few inches or finding the self-confidence to love yourself, no matter what your jean size, here are a few tips to get you started:

1. Eat healthier: Although easier said than done, a few simple changes to your diet will kick start your metabolism - and the sparks between you and your man. Start by cutting out bad habits, such as having a daily dessert. Limit treats. Instead, save the raspberry swirled cheesecake when you are on a special date with your partner.

Related: Stop Counting, Start Eating: Feel Fresh for Fall

2. Get moving: Jump up and start moving. For starters, having sex can burn up to 150 calories in only 30 minutes. Dancing with your girlfriends, going for a walk with your man or even a shopping trip are some fun ways to work up a sweat. Of course, if you challenge each other at the gym and make fitness goals together you may be surprised at how turned on you become.

3. Keep the lights off: If you're a proponent of ambiance and mood lighting, candlelight or other dim lights can engage a smoldering mood. Plan a romantic evening, and lead your man to a bedroom filled with a warm glow of cinnamon scented tealights. Mood lighting will provide calm, relaxing background so you and your partner can enjoy each other's company without worry.

4. Talk to your partner: For all you know, your man is drooling over your curves. Many guys enjoy a full sized woman, as there's more to love. However, if you're feeling insecure about your shape, let your partner know how you feel so he doesn't suspect that you're cheating if you skip out on sex. When you communicate the concerns you have with your body, he will most likely be supportive. If not, it's time to survey the market.

Related: How to Communicate to Get What You Need

5. Learn to accept your body at any size: According to Good Morning America, 68% of women wear a size 12. The average woman is not a size two, ladies; don't feel bad if you don't look like Angelina Jolie. Self-confidence is sexy. So what if you have a few extra pounds hanging around your middle? Find ways to work around it. The most important thing is to own your body. Have a little self-confidence and you'll be surprised at how your sex life improves.

Is your weight gain affecting your sex life? Share your stories below.